Hubris Rewarded

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Hubris Rewarded

LOS ANGELES—Hubris, the theoretically fatal sin of overweening pride, failed to lead to the tragic downfall of high-powered executive Ted Carson, 49, who was instead rewarded with a promotion Monday to a junior partnership at the incredibly successful talent agency Farber & Schenk.

"Ted's attitude of unbridled selfishness—defined by a belief that he can do no wrong, a disregard for other human beings, and an insistence on ignoring those whose counsel he would be wise to heed—almost tempts fate when he declares himself somehow better than God," CEO Guy Carlisle said. "That's exactly the kind of person we want around here."

As of press time, there was no indication that Carson's new girlfriend, supermodel Ella Veronovitch, would be struck down by vengeful higher forces in the cosmos for considering herself a greater beauty than the goddesses of Olympus.