adBlockCheck

'Huffington Post' Launches Some Sort Of New Thing

Top Headlines

Recent News

What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

NASA Launches First Cordless Satellite

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—In what experts are calling a breakthrough achievement that is poised to revolutionize American space exploration and telecommunications, NASA announced Friday it has successfully launched its first cordless satellite into orbit.

Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.

Superfoods: Myth Vs. Fact

Though the media often heralds certain foods as cancer-fighting or immune-building, many of these claims don’t hold up to scientific scrutiny. The Onion separates the myths from the facts regarding so-called superfoods

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

'Huffington Post' Launches Some Sort Of New Thing

NEW YORK—This week The Huffington Post officially launched some sort of new thing, which company representatives said will provide an exciting, revolutionary new way for users to do something or other.

“We are proud to provide users with this brand-new type of thing,” the website’s co-founder Roy Sekoff said during the live debut of the thing that apparently exists now. “All of us at The Huffington Post have been hard at work making this, so here it is: a new thing.”

Added Sekoff, “We are very proud of what we did and hope that our users can take full advantage of whatever it is this thing has to offer.”

The new thing, which sources supposed is either going live or has already gone live, was designed to be used in one way or another and features hosts talking about some news stuff with guests (?) but also features a social component that allows people to talk to one another or something.

Since the launch of the thing, a number of users are reported to be using its video features, which apparently enable people to do things with Skype and this other thing made by Google a little while ago.

“The new thing is online, and I’m pretty sure I used it, or watched it, or whatever,” said frequent Huffington Post visitor Michael Dailey, who confirmed that the thing is in fact there. “I looked at a screen for 45 seconds or so and saw some people on web cams or something talking. I’m not sure who they were. And I guess it was supposed to be streaming or interactive in some way?”

“I don’t know,” Dailey added. “Something like that.”

So far, it is too early to tell how users will respond to the new thing, but web experts have said that whatever ends up being influenced by the Huffington Post’s thing, it will probably be other sorts of things.

“If there’s one thing we know for sure, it’s that this is definitely a thing of some kind,” Slate’s tech reporter Rory Aderhold said. “People can go online and use the thing, and they can also not use thing, for that matter.”

“Anyway, this is a thing,” Aderhold continued. “We can safely say it is an extension of the Huffington Post’s main web site that also does things.”

As of press time, it is still unclear what the Huffington Post’s thing actually is, but apparently it’s like the future of journalism or something.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close