adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

Report: Store Out Of Good Kind

UTICA, NY—Unable to locate them on their usual shelf, local man George Rambart, 41, reported Thursday that the store was out of the good kind.
End Of Section
  • More News

'Huffington Post' Launches Some Sort Of New Thing

NEW YORK—This week The Huffington Post officially launched some sort of new thing, which company representatives said will provide an exciting, revolutionary new way for users to do something or other.

“We are proud to provide users with this brand-new type of thing,” the website’s co-founder Roy Sekoff said during the live debut of the thing that apparently exists now. “All of us at The Huffington Post have been hard at work making this, so here it is: a new thing.”

Added Sekoff, “We are very proud of what we did and hope that our users can take full advantage of whatever it is this thing has to offer.”

The new thing, which sources supposed is either going live or has already gone live, was designed to be used in one way or another and features hosts talking about some news stuff with guests (?) but also features a social component that allows people to talk to one another or something.

Since the launch of the thing, a number of users are reported to be using its video features, which apparently enable people to do things with Skype and this other thing made by Google a little while ago.

“The new thing is online, and I’m pretty sure I used it, or watched it, or whatever,” said frequent Huffington Post visitor Michael Dailey, who confirmed that the thing is in fact there. “I looked at a screen for 45 seconds or so and saw some people on web cams or something talking. I’m not sure who they were. And I guess it was supposed to be streaming or interactive in some way?”

“I don’t know,” Dailey added. “Something like that.”

So far, it is too early to tell how users will respond to the new thing, but web experts have said that whatever ends up being influenced by the Huffington Post’s thing, it will probably be other sorts of things.

“If there’s one thing we know for sure, it’s that this is definitely a thing of some kind,” Slate’s tech reporter Rory Aderhold said. “People can go online and use the thing, and they can also not use thing, for that matter.”

“Anyway, this is a thing,” Aderhold continued. “We can safely say it is an extension of the Huffington Post’s main web site that also does things.”

As of press time, it is still unclear what the Huffington Post’s thing actually is, but apparently it’s like the future of journalism or something.

More from this section

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close