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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Human Feet Originally Used For Walking, Anthropologists Report

OXFORD, ENGLAND—A new report in the Journal Of The Anthropological Society Of Oxford reveals that human feet were likely once used as a means of extravehicular locomotion. "Apparently, as recently as 20 years ago, the foot was used in a process called 'walking,' by which the human body actually propelled itself," the report read. "Starting sometime in the late 1970s, these crude early feet gradually evolved into their present function of operating the gas and brake pedals on automobiles." The same team of researchers discovered in 1994 that the human brain was once used for various problem-solving applications before evolving into an absorption/storage unit for lyrics to TV-show theme songs.

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