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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Humiliated Man Discovers Embroidery On His Jean Pockets

CHICAGO—Growing increasingly ashamed as he imagined how many people must have already noticed, local man Matt Quinlan was reportedly humiliated Friday upon discovering ornate embroidery on his jeans’ back pocket. “Oh, God, how did I miss this shit?” said Quinlan, 29, who cringed upon realizing that his shirt was not long enough to cover up the garish decorative stitches that would be in full view for the rest of the day. “Christ, I can’t just walk around with this thing on my pants—everyone can see it. Goddammit. How did I miss this at the store?” At press time, a relieved Quinlan had managed to salvage the pants by cutting off the flashy back pocket with a pair of scissors.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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