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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Humiliated Team Of Cuban Doctors Forced To Continue Treating Long-Dead Fidel Castro

HAVANA—Sources within Cuba confirmed Monday that a group of completely humiliated doctors has once again been forced to administer routine medical treatments to former president Fidel Castro, who passed away in early 2008 after suffering a massive ischemic stroke. “All right, I suppose we’d better get some blood work done to check those cholesterol levels,” physician Victor Arrechea reportedly made himself say during the utterly embarrassing charade in which he and his five-person team performed a full physical exam of the deceased Cuban leader, all under the careful watch of armed government guards. “The comandante’s lungs sound clear, and his vitals are all stable. Let’s continue that dosage of Diovan just to make sure his blood pressure stays down.” The doctors were then reportedly forced to put themselves through the degrading process of releasing a press statement confirming that Castro is in perfect health and will live for at least another decade.

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