adBlockCheck

Hummingbird Back At Feeder Again, Grandmother Reports

Top Headlines

Recent News

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.

Man Entirely Different Misogynist Online Than In Real Life

CHATTANOOGA, TN—Explaining how his subtle belittlement and disrespect for women in face-to-face interactions had little in common with the bold, outspoken manner in which he degrades women when he’s on social media or website message boards, sources reported Tuesday that local man Colin McManus is a totally different misogynist online than in real life.

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.

How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Hummingbird Back At Feeder Again, Grandmother Reports

The grandmother of six wonders if the small bird will return for supper.
The grandmother of six wonders if the small bird will return for supper.

DES MOINES, IA—Area grandmother Eileen Lankford, 82, announced Tuesday that a hummingbird, which she has reported seeing on multiple occasions in the past several weeks, was back at the birdfeeder outside her kitchen window.

"My little friend was back today," said Lankford, who has spent the past three afternoons periodically looking out the window to check if the hummingbird had returned. "We had a very nice time together."

In a series of voicemail messages and notes to her children, Lankford informed them that the hummingbird stopped by her home at approximately 12:05 p.m.

"I was waiting around all morning, and then suddenly there he was," Lankford said. "I thought the little fellow would fly off right away, but no, he decided to stay for a meal."

Lankford ate a chicken salad sandwich wrapped in a napkin while watching the bird.

The hummingbird

Referring to the hummingbird as her "special visitor," Lankford said she was impressed by the bird's appetite, noting that he "certainly liked to get his tiny beak in there." Lankford was reportedly delighted that the hummingbird found the food to be appetizing, though she did express concern that the small creature might choke from eating so quickly.

Lankford confirmed it was the same hummingbird that had made previous appearances at the feeder, claiming she recognized it by its handsomeness.

"He is quite dapper, and has such a lovely color," Lankford said.

The hummingbird sighting is only the latest in a series of events that has prompted Lankford to compose handwritten letters to her loved ones. In the past year, the grandmother of six has alerted her family members to such occasions as the blooming of the tulips, the blooming of the azaleas, the first dusting of snow, and her birthday.

Although she called it "a shame" that the hummingbird could not stay at the feeder for more than 15 minutes, the recently widowed Lankford acknowledged that the busy bird probably has a family of its own it needs to care for.

"He flaps his wings so much," Lankford said. "I don't know how he does it without stopping to take a nap, my goodness."

Lankford, who received the birdfeeder as a Christmas gift from her two granddaughters in 2005, said her late husband John used to fill the feeder every morning with an artificial nectar solution of water, white granulated sugar, and red food coloring. According to Lankford, a neighbor boy she hired to mow her lawn now performs the task, though on several occasions he has accidentally spilled the solution on the ground.

"I just wish he'd be a little more careful," Lankford said. "That food is for the hummingbirds, not the bees and the ants."

Lankford has experienced a number of other setbacks with the birdfeeder in the past few months, including mold forming inside the apparatus, and the wind blowing it to the ground. The feeder, however, sustained no permanent damage, and was able to be restored to its proper position three weeks later when Lankford's son visited to install her bedroom air conditioner.

The hummingbird's appearance marks the most notable event to take place in Lankford's backyard since May, when Lankford reported seeing a cat she didn't recognize.

Although the small bird has not returned since Tuesday, Lankford plans to remain stationed in the kitchen until two hours past dusk each night to ensure that she does not miss it.

"I hope he comes back again soon," Lankford said. "Every time I see him frolicking around, it makes me smile."

"He's so full of life," she added.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close