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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Hundreds Of People Who Will Die Before Christmas Really Excited For Holiday Season

WORLDWIDE—With just days remaining until Christmas, sources reported that excitement for the holiday has reached a fever pitch for hundreds of people who will not live to observe it. "I love Christmas; I can’t wait to go home, see my family, and wrap presents," said Yonkers, NY contractor Paul Gatlick, 34, who will die in a car wreck this Friday, and who echoed the thoughts of hundreds who will die during the next two weeks from heart attacks, terminal diseases, old age, and freak accidents. "This is going to be a holiday season I’ll never forget!” Sources also reported that millions of people who dread Christmas with a passion will unfortunately have to live through every last second of it.

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