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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Hundreds Of People Who Will Die Before Christmas Really Excited For Holiday Season

WORLDWIDE—With just days remaining until Christmas, sources reported that excitement for the holiday has reached a fever pitch for hundreds of people who will not live to observe it. "I love Christmas; I can’t wait to go home, see my family, and wrap presents," said Yonkers, NY contractor Paul Gatlick, 34, who will die in a car wreck this Friday, and who echoed the thoughts of hundreds who will die during the next two weeks from heart attacks, terminal diseases, old age, and freak accidents. "This is going to be a holiday season I’ll never forget!” Sources also reported that millions of people who dread Christmas with a passion will unfortunately have to live through every last second of it.

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