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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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Hungover Michelle Obama Packs Leftover Inaugural Ball Hors D'oeuvres Into Sasha’s Lunch Box

WASHINGTON—Shielding her eyes from the harsh light as she shuffled into her kitchen Tuesday morning, a visibly hungover Michelle Obama reportedly readied her daughter Sasha for school by packing her a lunch box of leftover hors d’oeuvres from the previous night’s Inaugural Ball. “Here you go, honey, have a nice day,” the First Lady said while arranging an assortment of sorrel-wrapped goat cheese, duck confit, oysters a la poulette and other canapés into an insulated lunch pack. “Be good.” At press time, sources reported that while Sasha Obama appreciated the variety of foods, she herself was too hungover to eat.

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