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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Hungover Michelle Obama Packs Leftover Inaugural Ball Hors D'oeuvres Into Sasha’s Lunch Box

WASHINGTON—Shielding her eyes from the harsh light as she shuffled into her kitchen Tuesday morning, a visibly hungover Michelle Obama reportedly readied her daughter Sasha for school by packing her a lunch box of leftover hors d’oeuvres from the previous night’s Inaugural Ball. “Here you go, honey, have a nice day,” the First Lady said while arranging an assortment of sorrel-wrapped goat cheese, duck confit, oysters a la poulette and other canapés into an insulated lunch pack. “Be good.” At press time, sources reported that while Sasha Obama appreciated the variety of foods, she herself was too hungover to eat.

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