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Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Huntsman Drops Out, Endorses Huntsman

MYRTLE BEACH, SC—Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman announced today he was dropping out of the race, and, citing his good character, foreign policy experience, and overall pragmatic approach, officially endorsed former Utah governor Jon Huntsman for president. "Unfortunately, our campaign never quite built up the traction it needed, but my goal now is to nominate a Republican who will conduct a campaign based on civility, humanity, and respect—a Republican who won't talk down to people, but will present a healthy conservative alternative to Barack Obama. That man is Jon Huntsman," Huntsman told reporters. "During my time on the trail, I have been impressed not only by Huntsman's ability to stay above the fray, but by his commitment to having a genuine conversation about the direction of this country. He has my full support." Political analysts said they expect Huntsman's endorsement to have little effect on the race, as Huntsman's backers are far too small in number to actually help Huntsman.

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