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Politics

Priebus Grateful He Had So Little Dignity To Begin With

WASHINGTON—Taking stock of his present circumstances as he packed up his belongings and exited the West Wing after being pushed out of office by the president of the United States, former White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus expressed a sense of gratitude Friday that he had so little dignity to begin with.

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Huntsman Drops Out, Endorses Huntsman

MYRTLE BEACH, SC—Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman announced today he was dropping out of the race, and, citing his good character, foreign policy experience, and overall pragmatic approach, officially endorsed former Utah governor Jon Huntsman for president. "Unfortunately, our campaign never quite built up the traction it needed, but my goal now is to nominate a Republican who will conduct a campaign based on civility, humanity, and respect—a Republican who won't talk down to people, but will present a healthy conservative alternative to Barack Obama. That man is Jon Huntsman," Huntsman told reporters. "During my time on the trail, I have been impressed not only by Huntsman's ability to stay above the fray, but by his commitment to having a genuine conversation about the direction of this country. He has my full support." Political analysts said they expect Huntsman's endorsement to have little effect on the race, as Huntsman's backers are far too small in number to actually help Huntsman.

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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

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