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Huntsman Quietly Relieved To Be Polling Poorly Among GOP Voters

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Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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Huntsman Quietly Relieved To Be Polling Poorly Among GOP Voters

'These People Scare The Bejeezus Out Of Me,' Says Candidate

SALT LAKE CITY—With a recent Gallup poll indicating only 2 percent of his party supports his candidacy for president, Jon Huntsman confided to staffers Tuesday that he was secretly relieved to be faring so poorly among the die-hard GOP base. "When I saw the numbers and realized Republicans weren't embracing my message, I breathed easily for the first time in months," the former Utah governor and ambassador to China said. "They're terrifying. We're talking about people who blame the unemployed for their own predicament and literally applaud the idea of letting those who don't have health insurance die. What would it say about me if they gravitated toward me personally or approved of my political principles?" Huntsman added that it was a huge weight off his shoulders when Herman Cain surged ahead of him in the polls, noting that it could easily have been him.

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