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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Husband Calls For Greater Separation Of Church And Mate

PORTSMOUTH, NH—Citing a disruptive influence on the everyday operation of the Touhy home, Dennis Touhy called Monday for greater separation of New Hope Tabernacle Church and Connie, his mate of 14 years. "It is wholly inappropriate for my wife to become involved in so many church activities at the expense of her role as my mate," Touhy said. "As the first article of our prenuptial agreement clearly states, 'Connie shall not spend every second of her spare time attending choir practices, planning the annual fundraising bazaar and involving herself in other such church activities.' That article has clearly been violated."

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