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After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Husband Points Out That He Vacuumed

BOISE, ID–Area husband Will Grantham, proud of his contribution to the household chores, made special note to his wife Monday that he vacuumed the living room and hallway. "I took care of the vacuuming," Grantham told wife Emily as she scrubbed mildew out of the shower tile grout. "There might be some lint under the sofa, but I got all the visible parts." Grantham previously made headlines for his 1997 unsolicited wiping of dust from a den bookshelf.

After Birth

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