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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Hussein Court Shocked By Ironclad Alibi

BAGHDAD—Defense attorneys for Saddam Hussein claimed Monday the former dictator could not have signed a 1984 order to kill 148 Shiites because he was visiting friends in Missouri at the time. Iraqi Special Tribunal Judge Rauf Rashid Abd al-Rahman said the state "has no case" against Hussein after viewing security-camera footage of the 69-year-old buying cigarettes and candy at a St. Louis-area 7-Eleven. "The date is clearly visible in the lower-left corner, and he's purchasing what is known to be his favorite flavor of beef jerky." The prosecution was also stung last month by evidence that the 1988 gas attack on Kurdish civilians coincided with Hussein's two-week Jeopardy! appearance.

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