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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Hussein Judge Hoping For Fair, Speedy Assassination

BAGHDAD—Rauf Abdel Rahman, the chief judge in the ongoing trial of former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein, told Arabic news channel al-Jazeera on Monday that he is hoping for a "quick and even-handed" murder at the hands of Hussein loyalists. "After all I've been through, I think I deserve to be dispensed with swiftly and painlessly," said Abdel Rahman, who has voiced frustration in the past with the pace of the preliminary portion of his assassination. "I don't want to drag on forever behind a pickup truck, or fade away in an endless round of appeals to my captors as I bleed out in chambers." Assassins announced that Rahman's shooting, stabbing, or poisoning, already delayed twice on appeal, is scheduled for July 7.

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