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‘I Can’t Do This Again,’ Shaking, Sweating Donald Trump Says After Nervously Vomiting Before Rally

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Election 2016

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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‘I Can’t Do This Again,’ Shaking, Sweating Donald Trump Says After Nervously Vomiting Before Rally

CHARLESTON, SC—Doubled over a garbage can backstage at a local auditorium, a trembling, heavily perspiring Donald Trump reportedly shook his head back and forth and muttered in between bouts of nervous vomiting Friday that there was no way he could go out on stage for a campaign rally. “Don’t make me go up there and talk in front of all those people, please—I can’t do it, I just can’t,” said the Republican presidential frontrunner, beads of cold sweat matting his hair to his wan brow, and loudly dry heaving as aides handed him a glass of water and attempted to calm his nerves by pointing out that he had done this plenty of times before and assuring him that people really enjoyed his speeches. “I can’t handle it—not again. There’s too many people, and they’re all looking at me. It’s too much pressure. What if I mess up? Oh, God, I can hear them chanting now. No, no, no.” At press time, aides had grabbed Trump by the shirtsleeves and were dragging the struggling, whimpering candidate toward the stage as “We’re Not Gonna Take It” played over the loudspeakers.

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