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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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'I Feel Your Pain,' Romney Tells Campaign Rally Attendees Who Make $20 Million A Year

INDIAN HILL, OH—As he continues to tout his plan to fix the economy and “make things right,” presidential nominee Mitt Romney delivered a heartfelt address to wealthy rally attendees Monday, telling those who make more than $20 million per year that he “feels [their] pain” and can relate to their struggles.

“Look, I’m out there fighting for you every day, because I know what it’s like to grow up with everything, spend your whole life in the same socioeconomic class, and struggle constantly to find new ways to keep your obscene wealth out of the hands of tax collectors,” the former Bain Capital CEO said in the emotionally charged speech, adding that he was “not just reading some talking points” about being in the top 0.01 percent of earners, but had been there “many times” himself. “Ann and I, we too come from wealth. We know what it’s like to come home at Christmastime with an annual bonus of 10 or 15 million dollars and then have the federal government say, ‘Wait a minute, buddy, we’re going to need 13, maybe 14 percent of that.’ And all of a sudden, that 15 million bonus becomes 13 million. We believe no American family should ever have to go through that.”

Romney added that if it weren’t for the Bush-era tax cuts that lowered taxes for thousands of wealthy families, “God only knows” where he might have ended up.

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