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Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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‘I Have Four Young Children,’ Says Kellyanne Conway In Most Disturbing Public Statement To Date

WASHINGTON—Explaining that she always makes sure to leave enough time in her busy schedule to give them the proper attention, Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway told reporters Thursday, in what is her most disturbing public statement to date, that she has four young children. “I have four little ones, 12-year-old twins and an 8- and 7-year-old,” said Conway, sending shockwaves through the nation with the deeply unsettling comment, which inspired more horror than any remarks she has made sugarcoating the grave impact the president’s policies will have on millions of Americans, delegitimizing the press, or fabricating entire terrorist attacks in order to vilify immigrant populations. “With all that’s going on around them, it’s important that I instill them with my values when they’re young. No matter what, I want to make sure I’m a big part of their lives.” The nation was reportedly further aghast when Conway mentioned she had raised her two older children to guide the younger ones when she wasn’t around.

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