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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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'I Make My Own Hours,' Says Man About To Get Fired

NEW YORK—Marketing associate Jack Hilliard has carved out a pretty nice little setup wherein he has the freedom to make his own hours and come and go to work as he pleases, the 41-year-old who is on the verge of losing his job told reporters Monday. "When you've been here as long as I have, you can start to sidestep some of these little office guidelines everyone else has to follow—especially if I get all my work in on time," boasted Hilliard, whose replacement was hired this morning. "It's sort of an unspoken agreement," As of press time, supervisors had scheduled a meeting for 8:30 a.m. tomorrow to fire Hilliard, who confirmed he would be unable to attend due to some landlord stuff that needs sorting out.

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