'I Make My Own Hours,' Says Man About To Get Fired

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

'I Make My Own Hours,' Says Man About To Get Fired

NEW YORK—Marketing associate Jack Hilliard has carved out a pretty nice little setup wherein he has the freedom to make his own hours and come and go to work as he pleases, the 41-year-old who is on the verge of losing his job told reporters Monday. "When you've been here as long as I have, you can start to sidestep some of these little office guidelines everyone else has to follow—especially if I get all my work in on time," boasted Hilliard, whose replacement was hired this morning. "It's sort of an unspoken agreement," As of press time, supervisors had scheduled a meeting for 8:30 a.m. tomorrow to fire Hilliard, who confirmed he would be unable to attend due to some landlord stuff that needs sorting out.