adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

'I Was One Of Several People Duped,' Manti Te'o Tells Scarecrow Dressed As Katie Couric

NEW YORK—Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o admitted Thursday that he was one of several people duped by an elaborate hoax involving the death of his nonexistent girlfriend in a revealing interview with a scarecrow dressed as Katie Couric. “It wasn’t just me—a lot of people got tricked,” said Te’o, who reportedly reached for the scarecrow’s straw hand and gazed longingly into the eyes drawn on the burlap sack face. “You know, Katie, your beautiful face reminds me a lot of Lennay’s. You make me so comfortable, I feel like I’ve known you forever. I love how you’re always smiling.” At press time, sources confirmed that a panicked Te’o was frantically attempting to resuscitate the unresponsive Katie Couric scarecrow.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close