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Man With Strong Brand Loyalty Willing To Kill For Mazda

In a stern warning aimed at critics of Mazdas everywhere, area man Matthew Hunker, a longtime Mazda driver with two Mazdas in his garage at home, said Thursday his loyalty to the car manufacturer was so strong that he would be willing to kill in its name.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:
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Idaho Legislature Declares English Only Language They Know

BOISE, ID—The Idaho Legislature passed a unanimous resolution Monday declaring English the only language the elected assembly knows how to speak, write, or understand. "We're putting into law a general feeling that everyone here has had for years: English is the only language we know, and English is the only language we want to know," Lt. Gov. James E. Risch said during a press conference outside the State Capitol building. "It's a good language, serves us well in matters of communication, and we can't think of any good reason to go around knowing some other language that we have no use for." The legislature is expected to pass a separate resolution later this week officially declaring out-of-towners "suspicious."

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