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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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If Obama attempts to steal the pot filled with the world's, does that prove he is the trickster god Anansi?

As speculation that the president is actually the cunning West African spider trickster god Anansi continues to mount, Obama's critics are demanding that a Congressional committee seal all the world's wisdom in a pot and put it in the high boughs of a thorny tree. If the president attempts to steal the pot, will that prove he's Anansi?

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