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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Imaginary Brain Tumor Spreading Rapidly

CUMBERLAND, MD—Independent bookstore cashier Jay Graham has an imaginary brain tumor that is quickly spreading through his body and will ultimately reach his lungs, kidneys, and bones unless he receives treatment immediately.

"I knew it was a tumor several days ago when my headache lingered even after I took two aspirin," Graham said of the imaginary growth, which he estimated to be "approximately the size of a cantaloupe," despite the lack of any noticeable swelling in and around his cranial area. "Yesterday I'm pretty sure it broke into two tumors, one of which I think is behind my left eye, since I noticed some slight blurring in my vision two minutes ago. I can't have much time left."

Sources close to Graham remain confident he will pull through, citing the fact that he has already survived two imaginary cardiac arrests, three imaginary embolisms, and at least five cases of exposure to imaginary weaponized anthrax.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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