adBlockCheck

Impoverished Child In Third World Dreams About One Day Leaving Light On For No Reason

Top Headlines

After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting

The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting

Conductor Fatigue Blamed In Massive Model Train Crash

BLOOMINGTON, IN—After surveying the dozen railcars and cargo of Lincoln Logs strewn haphazardly across the grass mat, investigators concluded Friday that a massive model train derailment was the result of conductor fatigue.

The Pros And Cons Of Co-Sleeping

The act of co-sleeping, where babies and toddlers share a “family bed” with their parents, is a rising trend in the United States, though the practice is contested by those who doubt its purported benefits. Here are the pros and cons of co-sleeping with your child

The Onion’s Guide To Trick-Or-Treating

Halloween gives revelers a chance to receive candy all over the neighborhood. Here are some tips to make sure you get the most out of your experience and take home a big haul.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Impoverished Child In Third World Dreams About One Day Leaving Light On For No Reason

DHAKA, BANGLADESH—Calling the luxury an extravagance that he can’t begin to imagine, impoverished Bangladeshi child Sourav Munshi told reporters Wednesday that he dreams of one day being able to leave a light on for absolutely no reason at all. “Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to leave my home and forget to turn off a floor lamp, or even see that it’s still on and not even bother to do anything about it,” said the 8-year-old who lacks access to clean water, proper sanitation, and suitable shelter, confirming that he also often daydreams of exiting the living room for several hours without shutting off the television. “I really just wish that one day I could know what it’s like to have a computer and three or four other electronic devices that I leave plugged in overnight even if they’re fully charged. Imagine that.” Munshi also said that he has his heart set on buying an expensive small appliance or technological gadget that he’ll never use or even remove from its packaging before tossing it in his junk closet.

After Birth Video

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close