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Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard

Potentially offering hope to millions of Americans struggling with psychological and emotional problems, a study published this week in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that test subjects were capable of fully resolving their anxiety by thinking ...

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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In Stunning Change Of Character, Bill Belichick Adopts Half-Dozen Dogs From Humane Society

FOXBOROUGH, MA—In a shocking reversal of behavior, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick reportedly adopted a half-dozen dogs from a local humane society Friday, saving the canines from euthanasia. “I just love these pooches,” said Belichick, smiling and chuckling as the six dogs licked at his face. “They’re so cute. I like to play with them in my backyard.” At press time, Belichick was reportedly promising each of the dogs a “very special treat.”

UPDATE:  Bill Belichick Builds New Tight End From Mutilated Dog Parts

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