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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Inclement Weather Prevents Liar From Getting To Work

PROVIDENCE, RI—In spite of his best efforts to brave the ongoing winter storm and freezing temperatures, the inclement weather currently affecting the Northeast has left Providence-area liar Tim Carlson unable to commute to his office, the habitual deceiver reported to his colleagues today. “They haven’t been able to plow my street yet and the snow drifts have to be two feet high in some places, so I don’t really think there’s any way for me to make it in,” said an email sent from the man who spent 45 minutes attempting to dislodge his car from a snowbank and who routinely fabricates stories. “On top of that, the buses don’t seem to be running in my area, or else I definitely would have been in by now. This is really a mess. I’m so sorry, everyone. Wish I could be there.” Carlson also confirmed that the weather had left his apartment’s electricity somewhat spotty, preventing the unrepentant phony from doing any work from home.

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