SAN FRANCISCO—In a tragic case of pain-reliever brand choice gone wrong, Gus Farber, an assistant sales-team project coordinator with the marketing firm of Integrated Management Solutions, missed a rare opportunity for job advancement Monday due to an error in headache-relief medication selection.
The pain reliever chosen by Farber, Mifrin(TM)-brand Extra-Strength Analgesic Gel Caplets, upset his stomach, depriving him of vital, stress-relieving sleep the night before a major presentation to his supervisor, one with significant job-promotion implications.
Because of his Mifrin-induced stomach discomfort and subsequent inability to obtain a good night's sleep, Farber arrived at work the following morning in a state of dishevelment, disarray and general unpreparedness for his presentation. As a result, a co-worker received the promotion Farber described as "meant for" him.
"I went with the leading brand instead of the one that works," the unattractive, pot-bellied Farber told reporters. "And now I'm paying for it."
The co-worker, strikingly handsome executive Chuck Shane, also had a headache the previous evening. Unlike Farber, however, he opted to take Anadol(TM)-brand Maximum Strength Gelcaps, Mifrin's chief rival in the highly competitive over-the-counter headache-remedy market, allowing him to sleep peacefully throughout the night.
"Anadol helped me get the rest I needed," said a smiling Shane, sporting a brand-new key to the executive washroom. "It's the one that's gentler on your stomach."
Farber, who would have received a new company car and a 20 percent increase in salary as part of the promotion, is taking legal action against Mifrin.
"My client was placed at a considerable competitive disadvantage as a result of his use of Mifrin," Farber's lawyer, Alexander J. Willmer, said. "He is being made to suffer merely because of a lack of good judgment in painkiller-brand decision-making, a matter entirely unrelated to his ability to do the job. My client and I believe it is the responsibility of Mifrin and its parent corporation, Global Tetrahedron Pharmaceuticals, to offer appropriate compensatory reparations."
Upon learning of the pending lawsuit against Mifrin, spokespersons at Tri-Omni Medicorp Consolidated, the Englewood, NJ-based manufacturer of Anadol, expressed sympathy and support for Farber.
"Mr. Farber's case is tragic, yet, sadly, quite common," said Tri-Omni Medicorp assistant director of corporate communications Rupert Sheen. "There's no telling how many others just like him stand the risk of losing crucial sleep before major, potentially career-advancing business presentations, all because they unknowingly opt for the leading brand instead of Anadol, The Medicine That Helps You Get The Rest You Need(TM)."
Though Mifrin has yet to respond to the Farber lawsuit, company spokespersons dismissed Anadol's claims of offering superior headache relief during a press conference Tuesday.
"Mifrin Cures Headache Pain Fast," said Douglas Sheppard, creative director of Hamburg & Blaine, Mifrin's advertising agency. "No other leading brand fights headaches as quickly and effectively as Mifrin."
"Clinical studies show this, I might add," Sheppard said. "Allow me to demonstrate with this luminous, computerized bar graph."
Reporters who examined the bar graph confirmed that the bar representing Mifrin was indeed the highest of the three bars depicted on the chart.