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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Increase In NHL Ankle Injuries Linked To Super-Slick Synthetic Astro-Ice

NEW YORK—The NHL announced Tuesday it would study the possible safety and injury risks of playing hockey on Astro-Ice, an artificial rink-surfacing material used by many teams instead of expensive and difficult-to-maintain ice, the solid state of water formed at low temperatures. "While we maintain there are many benefits to using Astro-Ice—increased slipperiness, ease of installation, no need for costly Zambonis—we realize the increased instance of players falling down indicates a need for further examination," a press release issued by the NHL read in part. "Until the study is complete, we urge all franchises using Astro-Ice to exercise utmost caution." Astro-Ice, a Dow Chemical product, includes many of the same components found in water-based ice, plus added binding polymers, artificial coloring, and additional hydrogen, which the NHL said was "almost certainly" not to blame for this year's dramatic increase in on-ice fires.

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