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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Increased Negative Campaigning Reveals Previously Hidden Ugly Side Of Politics

WASHINGTON—Shocked and disillusioned sources across the nation reported feeling a “loss of innocence” last week when, for the first time in the country’s history, increased negative campaigning began to reveal a long-hidden ugly side of American politics. “Like all of us, I believed our elected representatives considered themselves honor-bound to present public policy matters to the American people in as clear and truthful a manner as possible,” said Omaha resident and mother of four Melanie Jenkins, describing “the dark, secret underbelly” suddenly exposed for the first time this past week in the misrepresentations and outright lies of political ads and speeches. “But now it appears something sinister is afoot in our civic discourse. How long has this deliberate manipulation of voters been going on right under our noses?” At press time, Americans reportedly became even more distressed after realizing that money may actually play a large and detrimental role in our political process.

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