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Politics

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Increased Negative Campaigning Reveals Previously Hidden Ugly Side Of Politics

WASHINGTON—Shocked and disillusioned sources across the nation reported feeling a “loss of innocence” last week when, for the first time in the country’s history, increased negative campaigning began to reveal a long-hidden ugly side of American politics. “Like all of us, I believed our elected representatives considered themselves honor-bound to present public policy matters to the American people in as clear and truthful a manner as possible,” said Omaha resident and mother of four Melanie Jenkins, describing “the dark, secret underbelly” suddenly exposed for the first time this past week in the misrepresentations and outright lies of political ads and speeches. “But now it appears something sinister is afoot in our civic discourse. How long has this deliberate manipulation of voters been going on right under our noses?” At press time, Americans reportedly became even more distressed after realizing that money may actually play a large and detrimental role in our political process.

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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