Independent Bookstore Puts The Dave Eggers Right Where The Fuckers Can Find Them

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Vol 49 Issue 47

FCC May Allow Cell Phone Calls On Flights

The Federal Communications Commission is considering lifting the ban on cell phone calls on flights when the plane is above 10,000 feet, though calls would still be disallowed during takeoff and landing.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Independent Bookstore Puts The Dave Eggers Right Where The Fuckers Can Find Them

PORTLAND, ME—Saying that he wanted to make things as easy as possible for all the dumbshits to locate, Back Pages Bookshop owner Stephen Larrick told reporters Friday that he had placed all of the Dave Eggers titles on a table near the independent bookstore’s entrance where any stupid son of a bitch who wandered in could find them. “A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Genius, Zeitoun, the new one—I piled all that shit smack-dab in the middle of the room for the dum-dums to snatch up,” Larrick said of the centrally located display, adding that he had attached a handwritten list of staff recommendations that directed the fuckers to several further titles located nearby. “And wait until these dim bulbs see the bookcase I set up with those anthologies of George Saunders’ short stories. They’ll start squealing like pigs in shit.” Larrick added that he would almost feel bad for these chumps if he wasn’t riding them straight to the goddamn bank.

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