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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Indian-American Couple's Accent Makes Fight Adorable

SAN DIEGO—A witness to an argument between Indian-Americans Soumitra and Vineeta Chattergee reported Monday that she thoroughly enjoyed the vicious fight. "They were at each other's throats, arguing about which one wrote the check that caused an overdraft," said eyewitness Shelly Knight, who was delighted by the heated exchange while standing in line at Citibank. "Usually, I can't stand it when couples go at it in public, but that accent made them sound so cute." Knight added that she was slightly disappointed when Soumitra stormed out.

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