Indian Sweatshop Worker Has To Work In The Fucking Dark Now Too

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Vol 48 Issue 31

Spelling Bees

Game Show 8:00 p.m. EDT/7:00 p.m. CDT The popular Japanese game show makes its U.S. debut as contestants compete to spell wordswhile trapped in a chamber full of angry yellow jackets.

Breathtaking Easter Island

The island’s ancient, solemn carved stone faces, known as moai, are regarded by natives as deifications of long-dead ancestors and clan chieftains.

The World's Leakiest Faucets

Discovery 10:00 p.m. EDT/9:00 p.m. CDT There's a Delta kitchen faucet in Cincinnati that’s leaking so bad it’s seriously going drip, drip,drip, drip—that fast.

Sears Extremists Fly Plane Into Willis Tower

The nation’s poorest individuals are at least grateful they aren’t part of the nation’s long-suffering middle class, pictures of a smiling group of people are taken where John Lennon was murdered, and the highlight of an Alzheimer patien...

Unemployment Rate Up

Despite the addition of 163,000 jobs in July, the U.S. unemployment rate rose slightly to 8.3 percent, suggesting the economic recovery remained weak.

Area Man Still Searching For Hookup Subculture On LinkedIn

GLADYS, VA—After weeks of concerted effort aimed at trying to meet sexual partners through the professional networking site, local man Hugh Nesbitt told reporters Friday that he has yet to break in to the underworld of casual hookups surely hidden b...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Eating

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Indian Sweatshop Worker Has To Work In The Fucking Dark Now Too

NEW DELHI—Following the ongoing power outage that has left more than 680 million people in India without electricity, 17-year-old sweatshop worker Bhavesh Patel told reporters today he has now been forced to work his grueling, inhumane job in the dark on top of fucking everything else. "Jesus Christ, are you shitting me?" Patel reportedly said to himself while struggling to hand-stitch the right sleeve onto an Adidas T-shirt in pitch-black darkness. "It's bad enough having to work 19 hours straight in 100-degree heat for almost no pay, but now I have to stumble around in the dark like a goddamn moron, too? Fucking terrific." Patel then quickly remembered his starving family, calmed himself down, and continued to quietly and diligently work deep into the night.

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