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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Indiana Either This Year's UConn, This Year's Arizona, 2010's Michigan State, Or A Combination Of 2003's Marquette And 1987's Providence

BLOOMINGTON, IN—As the Hoosiers enter the NCAA Tournament for the first time in four years, many commentators are speculating that the 2012 Indiana men's basketball team could be this year's UConn, or at least this year's Arizona, or potentially even a hybrid of 2003's Marquette team and the 1987 Providence squad, both of which made surprise runs to the Final Four. "IU is getting hot at the right time, much like Connecticut last year, but they also have a dominating freshman like Arizona had. Then again, Marquette also had freshman Dwyane Wade in 2003, and Tom Crean also coached that team, so maybe that is the better comparison, especially if you pair elements of that team with the 1987 Providence Friars," ESPN analyst Jay Bilas said Saturday, stopping to backtrack several times during the segment to recount which teams Indiana does and does not remind him of. "Ultimately, I see this team making a nice run to the Sweet 16, but bouncing out there, which incidentally enough is exactly what the 1994 Hoosiers did, so I might change my answer. Yeah, that's it—this Indiana team strikes me as most similar to the '94 Indiana team. And maybe a little like Michigan State from two years ago, now that I think about it." After more than 15 minutes, two commercial breaks, and the rolling of a whiteboard into the studio to help parse through several dozen teams from multiple eras, the College GameDay crew agreed that come tournament time, Indiana should appear most reminiscent of the Indiana basketball team that played in the Big 10 Tournament on Friday.

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