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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Indianapolis Sports Reporter Pours His Little Heart Out In Peyton Manning Retirement Column

INDIANAPOLIS—Praising the veteran quarterback as “a man who changed the game of football forever,” Indianapolis Star reporter Kyle Bowman reportedly poured his little heart out Monday in a column about the retirement of Peyton Manning. “I have long dreaded the day when I would finally have to say this goodbye, but let me begin by saying that covering Peyton has been the greatest privilege of my professional life,” read an excerpt of Bowman’s glowing 3,800-word tribute, in which he gushed that Lucas Oil Stadium is “The House That Peyton Built.” “Peyton Manning has meant more to the fans and community here than anyone could ever put into words, and this city owes him a debt of gratitude for everything he accomplished during his 14 years in a Colts uniform. Number 18 will always be our quarterback.” Bowman then finished baring his undying love for Manning by concluding the piece with a single line reading “Thank you, Peyton.”


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