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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Indians Apologize For Not Having Ace Pitcher To Trade To Contender This Year

CLEVELAND—Addressing fans, rival MLB teams, and commissioner Bud Selig, Indians general manager Mark Shapiro delivered a heartfelt apology Tuesday, lamenting the lack of a Cy Young Award–winning pitcher his team could trade to a legitimate contender. "I apologize, especially to the large-market teams like the Yankees and the Red Sox, that we don't have a starter like Cliff Lee or CC Sabathia whom we can give away for next to nothing," said Shapiro, adding that he feels "just awful" that teams have worked so hard this season and the Indians have no way to help them. "But I assure you, we've been developing a number of prospects we soon won't be able to afford." Shapiro, who said the Indians really had no need for a closer, claimed the team was willing to part with reliever Chris Perez for $5,000 and a new baseline field marker.

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