Indifferent Jazz Just Ask NBA To Draft Them A Forward

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Vol 50 Issue 25

Oldest Human Poop Discovered In Spain

Archaeologists working at an ancient campsite in Alicante, Spain discovered a pile of poop left by Neanderthals 50,000 years ago, which revealed that they were not strict carnivores as previously believed, but also ate plant matter.

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The U.S. Government sets aside 600,000 acres of pristine land for future generations to pollute, John Kerry says ‘to defeat them, I must become them,’ while putting on a black face mask, and a birthday wish is wasted on trying to bring dad bac...

Bedtime Story From Fucking Bible Again

BEAVERTON, OR—Saying that he has to deal with this shit every single night, local 6-year-old Andrew Neel was exasperated to learn Thursday that the bedtime story his mother would be reading him was once again from the fucking Bible, sources confirme...

Study: Women Who Give Birth Later Live Longer

According to a new study from the Boston University School of Medicine, women who naturally conceive and give birth to their last child after age 33 are twice as likely to live to age 95 as those who give birth to their last child before age 30.

Most Popular Fitness Trends

Workout programs such as CrossFit and Tabata have surged in popularity in recent years as Americans look for new and engaging ways to lose weight, get in shape, and build muscle.
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Indifferent Jazz Just Ask NBA To Draft Them A Forward

SALT LAKE CITY—Offering incredibly vague and at times conflicting attributes for the type of player they’re looking to add to their roster, officials from the Utah Jazz reportedly asked the NBA league office Thursday to select a forward for them with the team’s first-round pick in tomorrow’s draft. “Just get the best power forward who’s available—somebody tall and good on defense, I guess,” Jazz general manager Dennis Lindsey was overheard telling NBA commissioner Adam Silver over the phone, repeatedly stressing that the decision “isn’t really anything to worry about.” “And if you don’t like any of the forwards, maybe get us a center or point guard—whoever you want, really. Just do me a favor and shoot me an email afterwards to let me know who we wound up with.” Lindsey added that if Silver is unable to find a jersey to hold alongside the player after announcing the pick, he can simply use a plain white T-shirt with the word “Jazz” written on it in black marker.

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