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Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday its new Suicidal Suite available at each of their locations across the nation.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Indonesian Mother Sews Halloween Costumes For 60,000 Children

PONTIANAK—Indonesian factory worker Weninng Panggi is keeping busy in the weeks leading up to Halloween by sewing costumes for thousands of children across America's Eastern Seaboard. "I try to put a little extra love in each seam I stitch, or epoxy, or hot-glue, or heat-seal," said Panggi, putting the finishing sequined touches on 1,375 Hermione dresses. "I only wish my family could afford such durable, high-quality garments. By the way, what are these for?" After completing her shift, Panggi carried out her tradition of going from door to door asking for scraps of food.

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