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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Inexperienced Streaker To Practice In Living Room A Few Times Before Doing It For Real

JUPITER, FL—Saying that he wants to make sure he gets it right when it counts, local man and inexperienced streaker Alex Burmaster told reporters Tuesday that he plans on running nude a few times in his living room as practice before doing it for real Saturday night. “I think I’m going to run a couple naked laps around the coffee table just so I can really get a feel for it before the weekend,” said Burmaster, adding that he intends to fully expose himself in his kitchen before sprinting past his couch, entertainment center, and cat tower in an effort to work out the kinks of the process ahead of his planned streak across a local baseball field during an upcoming game. “Four or five dry runs should be enough to really get it down. I just want to know that when the time comes, I’ll be able to rip my clothes off while running at the same time, keep a good pace, and generally look confident while doing it.” As he began practicing, Burmaster added to reporters that the last thing he wants to do Saturday is “make a complete fool of [himself].”


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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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