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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Informal Tone Of Cover Letter Sets Job Applicant Apart From Seriously Considered Candidates

MILPITAS, CA—Saying his casual writing style made him “stand out immediately,” sources at Redding Media reported Monday that the informal tone of Michael Yanover’s job application had set him apart from the candidates under serious consideration. “As soon as I read his cover letter greeting of ‘Hey there,’ I could tell Michael was much different from the applicants we’ve brought in for interviews so far,” said head recruiter Anne Peabody, adding that Yanover had quickly captured her attention with the line “This job and me are meant for each other.” “I didn’t even have to get all the way to the end—after he called himself a ‘social media maven’ and a ‘certified data junkie,’ I fast-tracked his résumé to a separate pile reserved for people we won’t be getting back to.” At press time, Peabody had reportedly given Yanover’s application a second look, deciding it was worth forwarding around to the entire office.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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