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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Inhibitions Dropped After First Sip Of Beer

TEMPE, AZ–At a house party Saturday, Arizona State University sophomore Lisa Burrell let go of her inhibitions after a single sip of beer. "Jeff, my man, wassup?!" Burrell shouted to fellow partygoer Jeff Sharp before the half-ounce of Budweiser she had ingested was halfway down her esophagus, much less absorbed into her bloodstream. "Wanna dance, baby? Oh, yeah! Shake it!" Burrell is believed to possess the lowest voluntary alcohol tolerance in Arizona State history.

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