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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Inhibitions Found In Seedy Motel Room

ALBANY, KY—Although he planned to engage in an afternoon of depraved extramarital sex with coworker Kara Lundy, businessman Bill Castille rediscovered his inhibitions upon entering Room 7B of the Honky Tonk Motor Lodge on I-90 Monday. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard that your tr—wait. What smells like a dead animal?" Castille asked Lundy, derailing a moment of unfettered lust. "Shit, what if someone sees my car in front of this trashy place? Okay, that ceiling stain just dripped onto the bed. That's it, I'm out of here." Castille might have left sooner, had he known his conversation was audible in the motel lobby.

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