Insatiable Water Droplet Barrels Down Windowpane Consuming Everything In Its Path

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Vol 49 Issue 09

Rats’ Brains Connected Via Internet

Creating the first ever brain-to-brain interface, scientists have connected the brains of lab rats via Internet cables, allowing the animals to communicate motor information to one another even when they’re thousands of miles apart.

Josh Lemberg

Josh Lemberg made sure not to get any of the other dogs’ hopes up while choosing a pet at the local shelter

Dennis Rodman Calls Kim Jong-Un 'Awesome Guy'

During a goodwill trip to North Korea, former NBA star Dennis Rodman was seen palling around with the country’s leader Kim Jong-un, whom Rodman called a “friend for life,” while also praising Kim’s father and grandfather, Kim Jong-...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Race Relations

Insatiable Water Droplet Barrels Down Windowpane Consuming Everything In Its Path

GOLDSBORO, NC—According to eyewitness accounts, an insatiable droplet of water charged down the windowpane of a local residence Wednesday, gluttonously consuming everything in its way as it carved a streak of watery carnage across the glass. “It was absolutely voracious—that crazy drop just shot down the window like a goddamn maniac,” said gawking onlooker Eric Frye, noting that the rapacious bead of water had cannibalized dozens of other unsuspecting drops during its wild, ravenous plunge. “It started off a little haltingly, but then it just kept getting faster and faster, and when that crazed drip got down to the middle of the window it just took off. It was insane. The droplets in its path never had a chance.” At press time, sources confirmed that the water drop, bloated and possibly repentant after its deranged binge, had pooled on the exterior windowsill and was considering throwing itself off the ledge to the ground below.

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