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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Insatiable Water Droplet Barrels Down Windowpane Consuming Everything In Its Path

GOLDSBORO, NC—According to eyewitness accounts, an insatiable droplet of water charged down the windowpane of a local residence Wednesday, gluttonously consuming everything in its way as it carved a streak of watery carnage across the glass. “It was absolutely voracious—that crazy drop just shot down the window like a goddamn maniac,” said gawking onlooker Eric Frye, noting that the rapacious bead of water had cannibalized dozens of other unsuspecting drops during its wild, ravenous plunge. “It started off a little haltingly, but then it just kept getting faster and faster, and when that crazed drip got down to the middle of the window it just took off. It was insane. The droplets in its path never had a chance.” At press time, sources confirmed that the water drop, bloated and possibly repentant after its deranged binge, had pooled on the exterior windowsill and was considering throwing itself off the ledge to the ground below.

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Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

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