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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Inspirational English Teacher Canceled Out By Every Other Teacher At School

SACRAMENTO, CA—Despite her effusive passion for education, constant encouragement, and heartfelt devotion to her pupils, English teacher Marcia Belsheim’s inspirational influence on Clement C. Young High School students is reportedly entirely canceled out by the attitude and conduct of every other educator employed at the institution, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Mrs. Belsheim makes me feel like I can do anything I set my mind to, but then unfortunately the rest of my classes convince me that school is a waste of my time and I probably won’t amount to anything,” said student Paul Whitaker, 15, adding that the brief glimmer of excitement he feels toward learning in his first period English class is quickly and permanently extinguished by his six other teachers’ apathetic and detached classroom behavior. “Sure, Mrs. Belsheim inspires us all to be the best we can be, but after sitting through Mr. [Edward] Durbrow’s awful science class the very next period, I really don’t give a shit about school or my future at all anymore.” At press time, weeks’ worth of Belsheim’s attentive after-school tutoring sessions for her sophomores were being systematically negated by Principal David Ford’s string of demeaning outbursts and lascivious advances toward students.

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