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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Institutionalized Charles Barkley Having Trouble At New Grocery Store Job

PHOENIX—Having served a three-day sentence for his drunk-driving conviction, former NBA star Charles Barkley admitted Tuesday he was having difficulty adapting to life outside of jail and to his new low-level job at a local Foodway supermarket. "I can't believe how fast things move on the outside," said Barkley, who sat on a park bench feeding birds as he recalled the respect he received from fellow inmates during his time as the jail's librarian. "Bagging groceries is difficult work, and I try to keep up, but my hands hurt most of the time, probably from my basketball days. I don't think the store manager likes me very much. I wish I still worked at TNT." Barkley was reportedly last seen in the bedroom of his halfway house, wearing a suit and standing on a wobbly table while carving the words "BARKS WAS HERE" on a wooden support beam.

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