Institutionalized Charles Barkley Having Trouble At New Grocery Store Job

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Vol 45 Issue 11

Area Man Down To Final Week Of Heyday

CHICAGO—"I'm having a blast," said Brian Konig, unaware that work-related stress and financial responsibility will soon put a tragic end to his personal apex.

Christian Salt Introduced

After reportedly tiring of hearing chefs on television recommend kosher salt, a retired barber has introduced Blessed Christians Salt, which is sea salt blessed by an Episcopal priest. What to you think?
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Institutionalized Charles Barkley Having Trouble At New Grocery Store Job

PHOENIX—Having served a three-day sentence for his drunk-driving conviction, former NBA star Charles Barkley admitted Tuesday he was having difficulty adapting to life outside of jail and to his new low-level job at a local Foodway supermarket. "I can't believe how fast things move on the outside," said Barkley, who sat on a park bench feeding birds as he recalled the respect he received from fellow inmates during his time as the jail's librarian. "Bagging groceries is difficult work, and I try to keep up, but my hands hurt most of the time, probably from my basketball days. I don't think the store manager likes me very much. I wish I still worked at TNT." Barkley was reportedly last seen in the bedroom of his halfway house, wearing a suit and standing on a wobbly table while carving the words "BARKS WAS HERE" on a wooden support beam.

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