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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Insufferable Man Utters Words ‘Craft Beer Movement’

PORTLAND, OR—Sources within local pub Sullivan’s confirmed Thursday that an insufferably awful bar patron used the phrase “craft beer movement” in a fully sincere, unironic sentence. “I think the craft beer movement has completely revolutionized the bottled and draft beer industry,” said the truly unbearable man as he ordered another Fat Tire, seemingly unaware that the words coming out of his mouth were making all in earshot feel an acute mixture of revulsion and rage. “The flavor profiles alone are so much more complex, and I think the true innovators in the movement have reinvented beer, and craft beer specifically, as a luxury item.” At press time, the insufferable male was speaking at length, and without prompting, about his own home brew.

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