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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Insufferable Man Utters Words ‘Craft Beer Movement’

PORTLAND, OR—Sources within local pub Sullivan’s confirmed Thursday that an insufferably awful bar patron used the phrase “craft beer movement” in a fully sincere, unironic sentence. “I think the craft beer movement has completely revolutionized the bottled and draft beer industry,” said the truly unbearable man as he ordered another Fat Tire, seemingly unaware that the words coming out of his mouth were making all in earshot feel an acute mixture of revulsion and rage. “The flavor profiles alone are so much more complex, and I think the true innovators in the movement have reinvented beer, and craft beer specifically, as a luxury item.” At press time, the insufferable male was speaking at length, and without prompting, about his own home brew.

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