International AIDS Conference Attendees Receive Complimentary Gift Bag Full Of Awesome AIDS Gear

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Vol 48 Issue 30

The Hell You Are Wearing That

Bravo 9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT Fathers scrutinize their daughters’ clothing choices in a never-ending cycle of negative attention and attention-seeking. Based on the British show.

David Koch

Multibillionaire industrialist and archconservative David Koch gave $7 million to the PBS show Nova.

Ashley Hamilton

Sales executive Ashley Hamilton listened to a voicemail from her mom all the way through.

Disney World Visitors Contract Mystery Illness

Since June, several dozen visitors to Walt Disney World’s Wild Africa Trek in Florida have been sickened by an unknown illness that causes flu-like symptoms, including nausea, fatigue, and diarrhea.
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International AIDS Conference Attendees Receive Complimentary Gift Bag Full Of Awesome AIDS Gear

WASHINGTON—Upon entering the Walter E. Johnson Convention Center Monday, attendees of the 2012 International AIDS Conference were reportedly treated to free gift bags full of top-notch AIDS gear. “Man, they gave us some really sweet AIDS stuff this year,” immunologist Dr. Scott Fletcher, 41, told reporters as he held up his awesome new AIDS schwag, which consisted of an AIDS lanyard, an AIDS coffee mug, an AIDS t-shirt, and a complimentary AIDS iTunes gift card. “I needed a new case for my phone anyway, so now that I have this AIDS hard-shell iPhone protector, I guess I won’t have to go out and buy one myself.” At press time, no one was paying attention to the keynote address being delivered by former President Bill Clinton, as they were too busy unwrapping their free AIDS Nintendo DS consoles.

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