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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Internet Jokester Strikes Again

SAN FRANCISCO—Sources at the popular technology blog Gizmodo reported today that the site had become the latest target of the infamous Internet jokester, a user known only as AnnaBananaDallas42, who left a scathing comment reading "Yawn…Boring" beneath an article reviewing accessories for the new iPod Shuffle. "Damn you, Internet jokester, and your razor-sharp barbs!" said Gizmodo staff writer David Rochelle, the latest recipient of the Internet jokester's notorious calling card that is both dreaded and revered by computer users worldwide: a winking, smiling emoticon. "Alas, I am powerless to combat the ruthless skewering of this modern-day Voltaire. She must be stopped!" In light of the most recent blow dealt by AnnaBananaDallas42, an emergency editorial meeting is reportedly being held at Entertainment Weekly's EW.com—one of the Internet jokester's favorite targets—to find some way of thwarting her rapier wit.

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