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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Internet Jokester Strikes Again

SAN FRANCISCO—Sources at the popular technology blog Gizmodo reported today that the site had become the latest target of the infamous Internet jokester, a user known only as AnnaBananaDallas42, who left a scathing comment reading "Yawn…Boring" beneath an article reviewing accessories for the new iPod Shuffle. "Damn you, Internet jokester, and your razor-sharp barbs!" said Gizmodo staff writer David Rochelle, the latest recipient of the Internet jokester's notorious calling card that is both dreaded and revered by computer users worldwide: a winking, smiling emoticon. "Alas, I am powerless to combat the ruthless skewering of this modern-day Voltaire. She must be stopped!" In light of the most recent blow dealt by AnnaBananaDallas42, an emergency editorial meeting is reportedly being held at Entertainment Weekly's EW.com—one of the Internet jokester's favorite targets—to find some way of thwarting her rapier wit.

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