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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Internet Not Quite Done Milking Cory Monteith’s Death For All It Worth

WASHINGTON—Saying that there’s “still a little juice left in that lemon,” content producers across the internet announced Friday that they aren’t quite done milking Cory Monteith’s death for all it’s worth. “I figure until we get a sound bite from every single person who worked with Cory Monteith on Glee, exhaust every possible image of him for retrospective slideshows, publish a separate post for every new tribute video, and report every minute detail of every single autopsy report, then there’s still a good bit of water at the bottom of this well,” said Starpulse.com editor John DiMico, just one of many internet content producers who sources said can definitely get a good five or six more miles out of this gas tank if they aggregate some stories about the emotional state of Monteith’s girlfriend, Lea Michele, and bang out a few more posts on the dangers of mixing drugs and alcohol. “A new trailer for Glee’s upcoming Cory Monteith tribute episode is trending online as we speak, and I’m thinking we can scare up at least one ‘Watch here’ post, one more ‘Celebrating Cory’ slideshow, and one more article with a headline like, say, ‘Behind The Smile, A Troubled Life” on my site in the next 20 minutes. After all, there’s still some change in this piggybank and it’s not going to shake itself out.” At press time, web editors across the nation had reportedly told their staff to keep up the good work after they published a video post featuring Lea Michele weeping.

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