NEW YORK—In a welcome break from their normal day-to-day schedule, reports confirmed that the winter class of interns at local web design firm Kapper Media, Inc. were treated to a highly informative 30-minute question-and-answer session Wednesday afternoon with an utterly miserable and downtrodden assortment of company employees.
The staff panel, all of whom are under 30 and have over the course of their employment felt increasingly fatigued, stressed, and resentful, reportedly answered a variety of questions about their backgrounds and their experiences within the industry from the visibly excited group of interns.
“I really enjoyed getting the chance to just sit down with everyone and learn more about how they got to where they are now,” said 21-year-old sales intern Diane Stevens, evidently unaware that the entire employee panel have at some point totally resigned themselves to being taken advantage of and feeling absolutely helpless to fight against the company’s corporate hierarchy. “It was really invaluable, and has definitely been one of the highlights of my entire internship so far.”
“I know they’re all busy, but I really appreciated them taking time out of their day to talk to us and offer their advice,” continued Stevens, reportedly unaware that every single person on the panel is essentially as confused and bewildered about the working world and their place in it as she is. “I’m definitely going to put everything they told us into practice right away.”
According to sources, the meeting began as the collection of dead-eyed staff members—who reportedly had to shorten their 30-minute lunch break in order to take part in the Q&A session—gathered in the company’s main conference room with the group of enthusiastic, eager interns. Reports confirmed the panel of overworked, underpaid, and entirely disillusioned employees then went around the room and introduced themselves, explaining their specific roles within the company and how they came to be hired.
Furthermore, sources said the mere sight of the two groups sitting across from one another while a small box of Dunkin Donuts lay on the conference table between them was completely and utterly heartbreaking.
“The Q&A session is an opportunity for the interns to meet people in various departments they might not otherwise interact with,” said 32-year-old human resources director Melissa Gammons, who organized the luncheon and who herself is reportedly looking for other jobs every night after getting home from work. “These folks are on staff for a reason, and they have the best insight into how the company operates and how to make the most of an internship here.”
“We make sure to do one of these Q&A sessions for every intern class,” added Gammons, who has also actively dissuaded all of her friends from applying to any openings at Kapper, and indeed complains to them about the company on a near-constant basis. “They really get a lot out of it, and it’s a nice little bonus for them.”
Throughout the course of the 30-minute meeting, reports indicated that the panel appeared to only become more dejected and demoralized as they were asked about how to stand out as an intern and the best ways to seek out more responsibilities over the course of an internship.
Furthermore, each of the interns reportedly failed to pick up on several sly barbs at Kapper’s upper management after a question about how to network within the company without coming on too strong, and at one point sources said several staff members audibly chuckled when the panel was asked if they would have done anything differently in their careers.
“I was really excited to find out that Dennis used to be an intern here,” said 20-year-old marketing intern Jack Kimball, referring to the company’s 27-year-old social media coordinator who works roughly 80 hours per week, earns less than $40,000 per year, and frequently questions his decision to accept a job offer at the end of his internship. “I was especially interested to hear what he had to say about his experience as an intern and how he worked his way up the ladder.”
Added Kimball, “It just goes to show that if we work hard and show we’re valuable to the company, we might be lucky enough to get hired full-time too.”