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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Intramural Rugby Game Taking Up Field For Last 2 Fucking Hours

PITTSBURGH—Voicing stunned disbelief that the game has somehow lasted this long, exasperated sources at the University of Pittsburgh campus confirmed Tuesday that an intramural rugby match has been occupying Charles L. Cost Field for the last two fucking hours. “How the hell is this thing still going on? They’ve been going back and forth out there since noon,” said 20-year-old onlooker Harrison Brier, who speculated that there must be some smaller version of the sport these assholes could play without hogging the entire field. “Oh, great, they’re switching sides again. How many fucking quarters or whatever can rugby possibly have? Jesus Christ.” At press time, several guys with a soccer ball were reportedly trotting onto the field while saying some shit about having it reserved.

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