adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Intramural Rugby Game Taking Up Field For Last 2 Fucking Hours

PITTSBURGH—Voicing stunned disbelief that the game has somehow lasted this long, exasperated sources at the University of Pittsburgh campus confirmed Tuesday that an intramural rugby match has been occupying Charles L. Cost Field for the last two fucking hours. “How the hell is this thing still going on? They’ve been going back and forth out there since noon,” said 20-year-old onlooker Harrison Brier, who speculated that there must be some smaller version of the sport these assholes could play without hogging the entire field. “Oh, great, they’re switching sides again. How many fucking quarters or whatever can rugby possibly have? Jesus Christ.” At press time, several guys with a soccer ball were reportedly trotting onto the field while saying some shit about having it reserved.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close